"My Father's Hero" In honor of the humor of W.C. Feilds. Quotes - It reminds my of my safari in Africa; somebody forgot the corkscrew and for days we had nothing to live on except food and water. A woman drove me to drink, I never even wrote to thank her. A man has to believe in something... I believe I'll have another drink. Work is the curse of the drinking class. I quit drinking once it was the worst afternoon of my life. Start each day with a smile and get it over with. Say anything that you like about me, exept that I drink water. (When asked why he never drank water) "Fish xxz!!ck in it." I must have a drink of breakfast. Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! Anyone who hates small dogs and children can't be all bad. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know. Yes I do like children... Girl children... about eighteen or twenty. Everything I do is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. (When caught reading the bible ) I was just looking for loop holes. (Fields' proposed epitaph:) "All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."