"My Father's Hero"|
In honor of the humor of W.C. Feilds.
It reminds my of my safari in Africa; somebody forgot the corkscrew and for days we had nothing to live on except food and water.
A woman drove me to drink, I never even wrote to thank her.
A man has to believe in something... I believe I'll have another drink.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
I quit drinking once it was the worst afternoon of my life.
Start each day with a smile and get it over with.
Say anything that you like about me, exept that I drink water.
(When asked why he never drank water) "Fish xxz!!ck in it."
I must have a drink of breakfast.
Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!
Anyone who hates small dogs and children can't be all bad.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
Yes I do like children... Girl children... about eighteen or twenty.
Everything I do is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
(When caught reading the bible ) I was just looking for loop holes.
(Fields' proposed epitaph:) "All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."